tournament diaries 2005 USTA National Public Parks Championships 2005 National Grass Court Championships Preparation August 26...2 1/2 weeks to go Have played a few times since beginning my preparations a couple of weeks ago. My excitement in being on the court and exploring my game and psyche is through the roof. I am having a ball. I am eager for each day of practice on the court. I feel very different . It is as if I am outside of myself watching myself play. It is like watching a reality show and, as with every tournament that I prepare for, I never know how it will turn out. I know what my objectives are: to win the tournament, to play well, to act right, to be fair, to put forth full effort, to make no excuses and to have a great time while doing it. As long as I take care of those things then the show will turn out just fine. Where my first practice pointed up some very specific task for me to work on, my more recent practices have been a battle between me and myself in my attempts to execute the tasks that I set out for myself. Over the last five or six practice sets I have run the gamut from making sure I was getting every possible shot over the net and inside the lines (always a good idea, but sometimes far from my mind) to focusing on serve and serve return technique. I have successfully put time and psychic energy into serving to the forehand, closing in more aggressively, passing with my backhand and, generally developing serve return tactics. This has all followed my plan from last week and it feels good to be making progress. However, during all of this I have realized that I have, in a big way, increased my expectations of myself to a level that feels hard to live up to. This is definitely a major distortion and a difficult place to play...a place where I think I should be able to get to every ball, make every shot and always make the right decision. It is a place where I think that I should be able to instantly correct any part of my game that is off. It kind of has been fun to watch this whole drama unfold while I am playing. I have reacted to this pressure in a couple of different ways. One day I walked on the court overexaggerating a “no worries” attitude. I was so care free that I was lethargic, overconfident and didn’t think I needed to put any effort into playing. I had no intensity and no sense of urgency. That certainly didn’t work well for me. A few days later I was totally impatient with myself. That didn’t work either. Both of those experiences were important in helping me find the right balance of intensity. They also helped me to put my expectations into perspective. For me to be playing the way that makes me feel good involves being free of expectations. Expectations are based too much on the past. My best tennis is today’s tennis, when I do what I can do with what I have. One day this week I played at West Side Tennis Club in Forest Hills. This was the site of the US Open (The Nationals) when I was growing up. To be playing on the grass there is always a thrill. These courts were played on by Laver, Newcombe, Roche, Ashe, Connors, Orantes and so many legends. How lucky am I to be able to play where they made history. As I was driving away from West Side, reviewing my thoughts from when I was playing, I wondered if other players think about their games as much as I think about mine. My game and process of preparing and learning and competing is an ongoing drama that I get to watch. I am like my own cable channel. What is so incredibly interesting is that the more I have been watching this channel from a distance, the better my tennis has become. By observing myself as I go through the process, I seem to have less investment in how things turn out...and things often do turn out better when you can just let them go. August 15. Four weeks to go and a lot of tennis to watch before I start play at Rockaway Hunting Club in Cedarhurst. It is at this site that I will be confronting another first time experience in competition. I have won the singles and doubles championships for the last two years. I will arrive as a strong favorite to repeat based on the last two years and my showing on grass at the World Championships in March. I will be trying to win this Championship for the third time in a row. I will be looking to continue my undefeated record on grass courts in the USA since 2000. The loss that I took in 2000 may have been the catalyst for the streak I have been on. That year, in the semis of the 50s National Grass, I lost to then and frequent #1 Brian Cheney. Never having played him I saw him occupying a place in the rankings that I could only dream about. I felt good going into the match but was overwhelmed in the first set 6-0. I had played a good set and this master, Cheney, had taken me apart. I hung tough, won the second and fought into a tiebreaker in the third set. Suddenly I found myself serving with a 4-1 lead in the breaker. Warrior that he was, Cheney won 6 consecutive points to win the match. I was truly in awe of what he had done in those points. On that day, in the moments after finishing that match, I knew what it meant to not be ready to beat somebody. I understood what Sampras meant when, after winning the US Open as a 19 year old, he said that he was not ready to take the position that the win forced upon him. I also knew, with absolute certainty, that I was good enough to compete with the absolute best in my age group. From that match on I have been on a wonderful ride of success...and it started at Rockaway, on their beautiful grass courts. I get excited just writing about it. Of course, all of this nonsense about records and streaks and rankings doesn’t mean anything when it comes to the upcoming tournament. I don’t win because of what I did yesterday. If I win matches it is because of the work and preparation that I will be putting in over the next four weeks. In fact, it is better that I write about the past and get it out of my system. It is bad and ineffective thinking when it comes to competing. I know that it is normal that I should be thinking about it...but being good at competing involved getting myself to think abnormally...to forget about the past and just deal with right now. Last week I got on the grass for day 1 of prepartion. Nothing that intense, just a first step. I didn’t expect to have any revelations. Just when you least expect it.... My mind was scanning like crazy and noticing attitudes that needed adjusting and shots that needed to be worked on. That one day, the first practice helped me begin to list what my work will be over the next four weeks: 1. Take no points for granted. During practice I got to set point and decided to end it with an ace to the forehand. Missed the serve...opponent hit a winner...instead of winning we stopped at 6-6. I was overconfident and figured I could do whatever I wanted. Wrong. 2. Work on my serving and improved serves to the forehand and serves at the body of my opponent. I am too dependent on serving to the backhand. 3. Work on service returns that will force my opponent’s to play their first shot into my forehand. 4. My backhand passing shot has been disappearing as I have been lobbing better. Good for the lob, bad for the pass. For the next two weeks, no lobs! I love working on my game! June 25 I have sat at my computer many times since returning from Australia with the World Championship trophy and the #1 ranking. Time and again I start to write and then just stop. I suppose that I have, until now, been struggling with confusion. Confusion about winning the biggest tournament. Confusion about how to wrap my brain around the concept of being, for the moment, the top ranked player in the World. When people have talked to me about it I have tried to minimize the experience while, at the same time, feeling totally wowed by it. While all of the this mindstuff has been going on I have been attempting to kickstart my motivation and to create new goals. I have been marginally successful in doing so. What should I be reaching for? What is out there? Do I want to keep working hard? I have noticed that my advice to my students has been heavily in the direction of setting goals and developing the steps to achieve them. I have been impatient with players who have been putting forth less than maximum effort to be the best that they can be. I was talking to myself. Last month I played in London for the Avory Cup, a wonderful competition that has been played for many years between the USA and Great Britian. Played on the grass, it is a team match involving two players from each age group, men and women. It was clear that, when I arrived in London, I was going to have my first experience of playing an international match as the top ranked player in the World. Although I liked being in the spotlight, it was uncomfortable to be the favorite with nobody for me to be chasing. I wondered how Pete Sampras, Michael Jordan, Lance Armstrong and others who have been at the top dealt with the pressures and expectations. I wondered how I would deal with it. While there, I won all of my mathes but played a little tighter than usual, feeling huge pressure to play nearly perfect tennis. I felt that any subpar play was an indication that I didn’t deserve to be at the top. I kept a good face on but couldn’t shake the pressure I was putting on myself to be “perfect.” A few weeks later I was given a good wake up call about this whole #1 thing. I played an Eastern tournament that I thought no National level players would be playing in. Didn’t get myself to practice too much until a week before. It was then that I found out that a great clay court player, one against whom I have a2-3 record, had entered. Fortunate to have a few days to get focused I was able to escape against him in the finals with a 7-6 in the third set victory. The message was clear. I needed to get clear on what I wanted and how I was going to get there or I was going to be dropping back into the pack that I was currently in front of. I realized that I wasn’t going to give away what I had earned. If somebody was going to work harder than me and take it away, good for them. If somebody was going to out focus me, I will take my hat off to them. July 31 On Thursday of this week I began playing in the USTA National Parks Championships held in Stamford, CT. Played since the 1960s this event has a special grassroots quality. Over 500 players from 10 and under kids to 90 and over seniors, men, women, singles, doubles, mixed doubles, wheelchair singles and doubles...all competing for Championships in their divisions. Seeded #1, I was still trying to get clear on how to deal with my high expectations of myself. Over the few days of the tournament I went from overplaying and trying to be a better player than I am, to try to live up to the expectations, to playing within myself in the finals, winning 6-1, 6-1, and playing my best match since the finals of the Worlds. The lesson I learned is that I must always search for the place where I play within myself. This is what I had discovered over the last couple of years. There is a place where I do what I can do, with what I have, at the current time. The external rewards of winning the Worlds and acheiving the #1 ranking confused me. I lost sight of what playing within myself meant. Did it mean that I needed to be perfect on every shot, every point? It certainly felt like that to me over the last several months. I was lost in my over attention to the external view of Bob Litwin. I couldn’t find myself in this new perception of me. The truth is that when I play within myself, I am the best player that I can be. I am satisfied with doing what I can do. I stop trying to play better than I can play. My game is good. Playing above it makes me worse. My errors increase. My frustration goes up. I lose sight of the value of hitting the ball inside the lines. I am lucky to be able to continue to find new challenges in this great game of tennis. I am happy that I continue to search for them. I know that if I stand still I am really going backwards. My tennis is about continuing to expand myself. Next up is the USTA National Grass Championships where I will get to challenge myself in another first time experience. I will be trying to win my third straight singles and doubles titles in this event. 2005 Austria Cup and World Championships Follow up April 10 Two Days after the Finals of the Worlds My next challenge is to prepare for the Mental Training Class that I teach at Robbie Wagner Tournament Training Center this coming Saturday. I need to think about what I am going to bring back to these young, aspiring players to help them on their journey. Each one has different goals but all share the desire to be the best player they can be. Having achieved two of my goals for the year, winning the Worlds and reaching the #1 World ranking, one might think it will be easy to provide some suggestions. As I sit on the plane on the trip home I am more at a loss than full of ideas. The reality is that winning the World Championships feels like just one more step in the journey that I began about 22 years ago when I started to play Senior tennis. What started as a win in a match in a local tournament turned into a couple of wins, then a tournament victory. For several years I kept working to maintain success at the local level, where each victory fueled my desire for more wins and improvement. Before I even realized it, I was winning some matches in National events. At the time, my first National ranking of #57 seemed like the top of the mountain. Being at the top of the mountain didn’t feel like that big a deal. It just felt like a step. Each year my desire to win and improve pushed and pulled me to do more work, to learn more about the game, to put myself on the line and soon, six years after I started competing, I reached what, I was sure, the pinnacle. I won a National Championship. This was my first experience in having a result that exceeded my belief of what I was capable. My self esteem did not allow me to really own that victory. I even suggested that it wasn’t that big a deal. It was too hard for me to own that I was at that level. In order to find out if I really belonged there, I kept focusing on my game, building strengths and filling holes. A second National title nine months later validated my earlier Championship. No longer able to deny that I was a good player, I spent several years just cruising, slowly improving. Once I had accepted that I was as good as my results I lost some fire. Complacency set in. My satisfaction came more from external validation as other people, thinking I was a good player, provided me with enough of what I thought I needed. My ranking was consistently ok, but there was something missing. I was no longer challenging myself. Cruising along, I often thought about not playing much. I didn’t work on my game. I stayed the same. Good and highly regarded, but not self satisfied. I avoided dealing with the fear of moving to another level. I kidded myself into thinking that I had already done enough. Sometime during this period, I lost a couple matches in the East to a couple of good players who had not had the National success that I had up to that point. Initially my reaction was one of acceptance...that I had reached the highest level that I could and that I would be satisfied to be in the pack again. That acceptance lasted for one more tournament and then, as if I was shot from a cannon, I decided to demand more from myself. I realized that I was not being the best that I could be. Over the last five years I rededicated myself to be the best that I could be. I committed to improving my conditioning, increasing my strength and flexibility. I drove myself to increase my endurance and speed. I worked harder at discovering whatever mental and emotional issues stood in the way of me playing my best when the pressure increased against better players or bigger tournaments. I stopped looking outside myself for validation and made self -satisfaction a goal. I forced myself to improve my attitude, my tolerance and willingness to accept that my opponent could defeat me even when I might be playing well. I stopped making excuses on those days when I was playing below my often unrealistic expectations. The results paid off. I ended up with more victories and, more importantly, feelings of satisfaction about my effort and competitive spirit. The message, then, is this. Never quit. Fight hard, both on and off the court. Look inside for satisfaction. Don’t be blinded by trophies. Today I said to Carol, “I have achieved my goals. I won the Worlds. I am ranked #1 in the World. Maybe I should stop playing.” She looked at me, smiled and said, “You have achieved your goals before and have always set new ones. I don’t think that this will be any different. Maybe you will take a couple of days off, but I know you. Your mind is already impatiently searching the horizon for a greater path to travel down.” She knows me well. For their help over the last few months I want to thank the players who practiced with me: Elvis, Ricky B., Rob J., Adam, Spencer, Peter, Rob M., and Phil. For their incredible support in Australia, my teammates Larry Turville, Neal Newman and Brian Cheney. Neal, for reminding me to focus on the things that I can control rather than on outcomes. Brian, for his timely comment to believe in myself, this on the day before I beat him in the semis. To all of you who sent emails of support during the Cup matches and the Worlds, with a particular thanks to Michael S. and Chas, who both hit the bullseye with their comments about my destiny. To Aidan for the towel, even though you tricked me into carrying a Notre Dame souvenir. Jane, thanks for making my matches about family and the memory of Mom and Dad.To Jody and Amy and Cam for sending positive vibes at the exact moments that they knew I was playing. Of course, I didn’t really know how to win until Carol came into my life. She showed me that I had the strength to go through the hard times and has been there with me every step of the way. Her smile. Her support. Her selflessness. Her love. Thank you. World Champion! I did it. I played like a champion today and defeated two time former World Champion Lito Alvarez. I am in the clouds. I woke up this morning and felt zero pressure. Beating Cheney yesterday reminded me of how capable a player I can be in a big match situation. It seems that the bigger the match the better I play. My confusion about my level earlier in the week had more to do with feeling that life on the court should be easy...and that contributed to me being in the wrong frame of mind...out of focus. When I know it will be tough, I go into the right place and then my tennis flows. And did it ever flow today. I felt chills when I walked on center court today, with many Aussies in attendance to cheer Lito and my teammates and Carol to support me. When they announced my name and country I felt great pride for what I had already accomplished. I put out my "Play Like a Champion Towel" and had a firm talk with myself. I told myself that this was not about me vs. Lito. It would be about me vs. myself. I could only control what I could do with my game. I couldn't control the outcome. I know this, intellectually, and tell people all the time. Walking out on the court and believing it is a whole other story. Today I truly knew this to be the truth. I broke Lito in the first game, held my serve, broke him again and held once more. Up 4-0 I sensed that today was my day. He managed to hold serve twice in the set and I had to serve at 5-2. My first slightly shaky moment as he got to deuce. As they say here in Australia, "no worries," as I served out the next two points for a 6-2 fir st set. The clouds started to gather and there was thunder in the distance as we started the first set. Was this a message from above having to do with last year's decision? I broke Lito's serve, held mine easily and broke him again. With raindrops beginning to fall, on the changover, Lito shook my hand and said that he could not go on. He said that he was slightly injured and was scared that he would hurt himself more as the court got slippery. I was shocked that he stopped. It was then, and only then, that I stepped out of the match and realized that I had just become the World Champion. Carol and my teammates rushed out on the court for hugs and pictures. Carol and I embraced for minutes as we shared this special moment, the culmination of a long journey over the years. In the clubhouse other American players were so happy for me and at the awards ceremony I was moved to tears. Incredibly the win was nice but the feeling of all the work that went into it is what moved me so much. As I wrote several weeks ago, it is not about the trophies and wins, it is about the game, the competition and the relationships. How true. People who watched who have seen me for years said that I played the best that I have ever played. I made only two errrors in the match. To think that I was doubting my game last week and, then, to do this. I am in the clouds. Tonight we celebrate with our Aussie friends and American teammates. Then it is back to the real world as, even though I am the World Champ, I will squeeze into a seat on coach and take the 27 hour flight home. I may not need a plane to fly home this time. The beat goes on...Into the Finals Incredible day for me. Today I advanced to the finals of the Worlds with one of my greatest wins ever. I thought that last year had been the best one, but today I defeated Brian Cheney. He has always been a legend in my mind. I have never defeated him. I have always considered him to be "not human." I worked so hard last night to get my state in the right place...to be less concerned about how I have been playing up until now, to be more positive, less critical of myself, and to find a way to play within myself. It isn't just words that make that happpen. I had to work on the internal shift of believing in myself. I woke up early and laid in bed and just pictured myself playing free and easy and with fun. I saw myself playing without fear of losing and without concern of winning. Self esteem is such a factor for athletes and I was struggling with mine. I focused my mind on what I am capable of doing on the court and not how I compared to my opponents. I thought of how I can return serve. I thought of how I can serve. I thought of how I am a fine player when I just play my game. Brian and Anne Cheney and Carol and I took a cab to the site of the matches. I was quiet and within myself. Brian was too. I did my dynamic warmups and dealt with a 1/2 hour delay of our match time because of fog by staying separate. I kept talking to myself and reminding myself that I was going to go on the court and enjoy the experience. I couldn't be concerned with winning. When I walked on the court I reminded myself that I was going to win or lose, regardless, and that my job was to do what I am capable of doing...to fight for each point and to play with my heart. Just a side note...I forgot to bring a towel for the hotel and there were none available at the Club. I had one small towel that was given to me by one of my students, Aidan Talcott. He carries it in his bag all the time and he lent it to me for the tournament. It has a message printed on it: "Play like a champion today." This towel was a constant reminder for me. I did play like a champion. Brian and I played even to 4-4 and then I broke his serve and then had a close game on my serve and ended it with an ace to his forehand. I caught him off guard by standing way over near the sideline and suckering him into thinking I was going to serve out wide to his backhand. The second set started off well with me getting a break point on his serve but didn't convert. Then, just like that, I dropped my serve for the first time. He held and I was down 0-3. I fought hard to hold and had two break point with him serving 3-1, but, again, didn't convert. I held easily and then, again had break points, but didn't convert. He served at 4-2 and I broke hiim at love. At 3-4, I struggled but held with good serving and again struggled at 4-5 but held. We both fought into a tiebreaker. I won the first point on his serve with a return down low and backhand pass. I won my two points with good serves and won his next won with a return winner. He held one point and I was about to serve at 4-1. I flashed back to losing a third set breaker to him while I was serving at 4-1. I fought off the image and won my two points to go up 1-6. He held one point and, at 2-6, I hit a strong forehand return and he was unable to control the volley. Match to me. When I hugged Carol she saw that I had tears in my eyes. Beating Brian. Making it to the finals again, especially after all that had happened last year. I am blessed. Tomorrow I play Lito Alvarez again. I played him last week and we had a battle. I expect more of the same. I will be ready. Congratulations to teammates Neal Newman and Larry Turville who won the doubles Championships, this for the second year in a row. Aidan: thanks for the towel. You may not get it back from me. January 18, 2005 The Australian Open started on Sunday. Today, my journey to play in Australia this March became official. The USTA announced the 2005 Cup teams and I have been selected, along with three others to compete for the Austria Cup, the 55 and over equivalent of Davis Cup. I played on the team last year. We took 2nd place in Philadelphia on the grass. This year it will be in Perth, again on the grass. Team goal, no question is to bring home the gold. Playing the Cup matches will be a big part of my year and, because I will be leaving on March 19, I need to get into serious gear at once. I took off most of the month of December from playing and working out. I didn’t think that I had to because I was feeling really fine but I have learned that I need to pace myself. This way I am more certain to come out of the gate fresh, eager, excited and willing to do the work. I have found that a starting point, a date, makes my goals more concrete. My goals are clear. This year I look to help the team win the Cup by playing up to my highest level. I have the World Championship title in my sights as well. My third goal is to improve on last year’s 40-3 singles record. These are my outcome goals and they help me by setting a course. I have some playing goals that will, as I work towards them, increase my chances of achieving these outer goals: To continue staying dedicated to my conditioning program, increasing my work on core and back strength. I also will go to the gym to warm up cardio and flexibility 4-5 times a week. My commitment to flexibility and stretching will increase. I mean, at this point, why wouldn’t I. I feel so much better when I stretch. I will continue to do dynamic flexibility warmups before I walk on the court to teach, practice or play a match. I will improve my backhand. This is new for this year. It has been very good to me and has stood up under pressure. For the next level, I will need more from it. Jackie Cooper, Head Pro at Indian Wells, gave me a few tips over the phone about how to hit it more the way Rosewall hit his. That would be nice! He told me to get up closer to the ball and to more clearly define my follow through. This will make my service return, groundstroke, approach, pass and volley much more formidable. I am going to improve my mental state when I have the lead in a close match. Last year, in the semis of the Hardcourts, I got a little ahead of myself. I lost the now and jumped into the future. Just for a moment. Just for one shot. It happened to have been match point. This is something that I do in a match where my belief in myself is not strong, a match that I think “I could” win.” The work on this will be all mental as I continue to build beliefs that support my the future that I see for myself. I will continue to improve my mindsets including “ball in the court and run for everything,” “I am a tough opponent to win a point from,” “I love when it is close and tough,” “serve as if I am demonstrating” and “I have everything I need.” I will continue to watch and be inspired by Roger Federer. His style. His ease. His endless defense. His offense only when he needs it. His demeanor. I will also watch to see how he deals with being at the top. It isn’t an easy place to stay. My first challenge is to prepare for outdoor grass court competition while playing indoors on clay and hardcourts. There is a strong likelihood that I will be playing #1 singles for the team and on March 27, the day that the Cup matches begin, I will need to be at my best. No long season to practice. I will need to hit the ground running in that first match. I won’t get on a grass court until one week before I start. This is new for me. It means that I need to have my mind and body right. My game will just have to come together in a week. I love this kind of challenge! January 30 What a coincidence. The Australian Open ends and I start to get myself on the court to practice. I have put my conditioning program together and have been working on it for about four weeks. Working those core and back muscles. Fun, not really. Purposeful, absolutely. I saw Million Dollar Baby today. I am not working hard enough in the gym. Tomorrow I will kick it up. The Australian Open was inspirational. I saw a lot. Davenport hits the ball cleaner than anybody...and holds the ball so long. No matter what her position. Federer’s backhand. Andre’s focus. Federer’s movement. Hewitt’s shot consistency. Safin’s talent and power. Serena’s heart. Those top players have such remarkable qualities. One quality that they all share is a strong belief in themselves. In spite of good results over the years, I have struggled with my belief, often thinking that I won because I got a good break or my opponent didn’t play well. I know that I have gotten to a new and better place with this. Last week Austria Cup captain Brian Cheney called me up to discuss the lineup for our matches. He suggested that he might play me at #2 singles because he might need me to play doubles as well. The order of play is #2, #1 and then, immediately following, doubles. No time break for #1. I was honored that he suggested I might be called on to play doubles if we needed the point. I told him, with no hesitation, that I want to be playing #1 for the team. I feel that I have earned it and I belong there. Well , when I got off the phone I was shaking a little. Did I really say that I believe on I the #1 player on this team of great senior champions? It felt good to believe in myself. (Later in the week I called him back and told him that he was the captain and I would do whatever was best for the team.) I have been thinking about my past Cup matches. I have been lucky to have made the Cup teams for four of the last six years. My mental state going in has been different each time. The first year, 1999, I didn’t feel that I belonged on the team and played with a lot of fear...fear that my teammates and competitors would see that I didn’t belong. The second year, 2002, I went in thinking I was playing great and couldn’t lose only to lose confidence (it must have been false confidence) while practicing with my teammates early in the week. I won some matches but didn’t pull through in the important ones. In 2003, I had a new role, playing captain, and my mindset had more to do with guiding the team and being a leader. I took a back seat in matches. Last year, playing in Philadelphia, I was confident and determined. Point me to the court. I will play a good match. I will win a point for the team. I played great. I expect that this year my mindset will include enjoying the experience more than ever before. No self doubts. I feel comfortable. I feel experienced. I feel certainty about the level of my game. I am looking forward to whatever this year throws at me. I practiced this week on the hardcourts. Haven’t been on them for months. I was surprised at how complete my game was. I was efficient, wasting very few shots. My concentration was consistent. I served with purpose each point. Typically I am not so locked in so early. Could be that I was just excited about starting and that tends to make my interest level soar. March 19 It has been close to a month since my last journal entry and I have moved steadily towards getting ready to compete. I am on my way to Palm Springs for a couple of days of practice outdoors on grass courts. On Monday night I meet Carol in Los Angeles and we fly to Sydney, where we meet up with Austria Cup teammates Cheney, Turville and Newman. Wednesday morning arrival with practice sessions arranged by John Newcombe at the famous White City Tennis Club. Thanks to Bill Dorman for hooking us up with Newk. Without his help there was not shot of getting on the grass before we go on to Perth for the beginning of the Cup matches. First matches will be on Sunday, the 24th. According to the pre competition lineup I will be playing #1 for the USA. Although I have played a few matches at #1 in the past, this is the first time that I am in that position in the lineup. I am thrilled to have the opportunity to lead the team. Our team is strong, with the #2, 4 and 7 ranked players in the World. In addition to all strong singles grass court players, Newman and Turville won the World Doubles Championships last September. Cheney and I defeated them in winning the National Grass Doubles Championships. We have many options. I have spent the last month continuing to work on my strength, flexibility and endurance. I have been in the gym four times a week doing a variety of exercises. I have spent more time working my abs and upper back than in the past and I definitely notice a difference on the court...more strength in my upper body and less lower back fatigue. Flexibility continues to be on the top of my conditioning program. There were days when it was tough to find the time to get to the gym but I knew that it was part of my job so I would get there and do something, even if it was just a couple of exercises. It not only worked my body but continued to keep me disciplined and committed. It is easy to miss a couple of days and to lose momentum. I kept telling myself that I had no choice...that in order to be at my best I needed to do the work. My on court training is always fun. I have a bunch of friends that I call on to help me get ready. Rob Janacek, 33 year old former Canadian tour player and UCLA star, started me off early in the month by kicking my butt, hitting huge serves and taking advantage of any weak shot that I put in the court. Playing with got my mind clear on the importance of avoiding shots that get me in trouble. He showed me how just getting a ball in play just won’t cut it. This thinking has helped my shot selections over the last few weeks. Rob Malinow, one of my regular practice partners, played non stop serve and volley with me on a few occasions and got me pumped up to keep my returns low on the grass so that I can always get a decent play on my second shot. Adam Rosen, Ricky Becker, and Phil Radjewski served as tag team opponents, each with different styles, challenging my ability to adjust each time I played. I used to practice with similar types of opponents but have learned that this limits my preparation. I practiced with junior players Spencer Feldman and Saad, whose last name I don’t know. They hit the ball big and heavy. Again I worked on adjusting...finding a way to win. I played with Peter Harjes, who serves in the 120’s. My will to win against all of these players got stronger and stronger as the time to compete drew closer. This past week, I informed all of my students that they had to play their best to help me get ready. From 10 year old Aidan Talcott to 80 year old Jack Bendror, everyone put the ball in the court a lot in order to give me a good workout. Nice job I have. People pay me to help me play better tennis. End result of all of this is that I am playing well. I am on the ball, clear on what I am doing with it, feeling fit and moving well. Short of getting some outdoor play on the grass courts, I couldn’t be better prepared. I am totally relaxed about playing the Cup matches this year. I have gotten to a place in my tennis where I am clear about why I am playing. For me, it is about playing relaxed, having a good time, taking on the challenges of the game, accepting the bad with the good, loving the battle and tension of close matches and, of course, to play good tennis. Winning flows out of this mentality. I recall Billie Jean King several years ago talking about how important it is to tell my students that “it is not about the winning...it is about playing the game, the relationships and the job of competing.” I said to her, “that is easy for you to say. You have won 22 Wimbledon titles.” Her response was profound: “That is exactly why you should listen to me. I have been to the top of the mountain and I know that it isn’t nearly as special as the journey to get there.” I agree 100% I have been fortunate to have a lot of success in my tennis over the last few years. Much of the time I was driven by the need for external gratification. Don’t get me wrong, I still like that, but now, more than ever, I am driven by my desire to just have a great time playing tennis, just like sports felt when I was a kid playing hoops in the backyard. March 24 Flying from Sydney to Perth It is now Thursday in the late afternoon and we are on the cross country flight from Sydney to Perth. Hard to believe that this distance is the same distance as New York to LA. When we land we will be on the west coast of Australia, merely 21 hours ahead of New York time. The Austria Cup team of Brian, Neal, Larry and myself decided to meet in Sydney for two days of practice before this final leg to Perth. Unfortunately it rained for most of the first day and tennis was definitely out of the question. We were told that there hadn’t been a rain day like this for years. It didn’t stop us from beginning to bond as a team, as the four of us spent the afternoon touring the city. We got a huge break today as the weather forecast was wrong and the sun came out. Off we went to the legendary White City Tennis Club, site of many Davis Cup matches, for a couple of hours of practice. In spite of being unable to get on the soggy grass we had a good workout on a hard court and soaked up the history of the club. To be playing on courts that were frequented by Laver, Rosewall, Hoad, Newcombe, Stolle, Emerson and other legends got our heads into the spirit of the upcoming matches. We were welcomed by Oggie Kolev, the tennis director of the club and, after playing, sat with him and heard the wonderful stories of this club. Pictures of the greats surrounded us and I felt that they were there with us, looking out on the historic stadium and lush grass courts. As I have in past tennis trips, I feel blessed to be able to play at the great clubs of the past. As Billie Jean King said, “it is about the relationships and experiences more than the winning.” Practicing with the guys as teammates is unique. Typically we are opponents and, although we have been friends for twenty plus years we don’t often help each other out on the court during a tournament. The team changes all of that. Each of us is making helpful comments to one another and the support makes for a whole other level of enjoyment. While playing today I started to feel very excited about the fact that I will be playing #1 singles for the team. I looked at who was on the court with me and thought about how far I have come. Twenty years ago, at my first National tournament, Brian and Larry were the two top players in the country and I was a first round loser. In 1999, the first time I was selected to play a Cup match, I was nervous and insecure. Brian was our #1 player that year and I looked up to him and wondered if I could ever play at his level. In 2002, my second time on the Cup team, Larry was the #1 player and I looked at him as a player that I hoped, someday, to become. To be playing ahead of them this year and to feel their efforts in supporting me...wow! Tomorrow we go to the site of the matches and will escalate the intensity of practice. No more thinking about what was or what it feels like to be in this position. Tomorrow I begin to focus on those parts of my game that need to be rock solid for the competition...returns, serves, passing shots, volleys and overheads. I have prepared hard for the last few months for these next two weeks. I always feel like I am home when I walk on the grass. I am confident and ready. Can’t wait to get to it! March 25-26 Practice and Opening Ceremonies We were scheduled for two practice sessions on Friday at Robertson Park, a public park with twenty grass courts. Except for this couple of weeks, anyone can walk in and rent a grass court for $11/hour. When we arrived we were greeted by many Aussie volunteers who registered over 400 players from 23 countries. There are ten cup matches going on at three sites, for men and women from the 35 and over to the 55 and over. The international flavor is exciting and contributes to the out of ordinary life that I will be leading for the next two weeks. I see many players from past Cup matches and we instantly reconnect. Friends that I have made from France, Spain, Ireland, Germany, Great Britain, New Zealand, Australia, Belgium, Croatia, Japan, Argentina and more share experiences of the last year, bringing me up to date on competitions, family, health and other news. The relationships are a big part of the experience. When we, the strong American team, hit the courts for our two hour morning practice sesssion, many eyes turn to us. Our Austria Cup team for 55 and over is, arguably, one of the strongest teams in the field, having the #s 2, 4 and 7 World ranked players. Our practices with each other may be the strongest competition that we will face until late in the week, if we manage to advance. As soon as my feet hit the grass, I am playing great. I am “on the ball.” There is some wonderful spiritual change that occurs to my game when I get on this surface. My confidence soars and I play to a level way beyond my regular game. We spend two hours beating up on each other, with my teammates getting me ready for playing #1 singles. Towards the end, Turville, who will play #2 and I team up for doubles to help Newman and Cheney get ready for their doubles. It is a team effort, with each player helping the others to play at the high end of their talent and skill. After meeting up with Carol and the other wives for lunch, Captain Cheney has us back on the court for another two hours. It was brutally hot, in the high 80’s, and the workout was intense. The sun is very strong here and conditioning may be a factor in late round matches. On Saturday we had another long practice session and, again, I could feel the eyes of the other teams on us. I feel relaxed and unconcerned about anything other than making first serves and returns. I play better and better as time goes on. My preparation has paid off as I am controlling matches with the qualilty of my shots. At night the team sticks together and the bonding that is so important in winning a team event, continues. We go out to eat together every night. The talk is not about tennis but about life experiences. I shared some stories about my parents and the way in which they helped me get to where I am as a player. As if often the case when I am at these major events, the memory of my Mom and Dad is powerful. I wish that they could be here to share in my experience. One of the most special parts of the trip is the Opening Ceremonies. Tonight was no exception. With two time Grand Slam Champion Margeret Court in attendance, all of the players sit together wearing there team warmups. It is a colorful and rowdy group with all feeling great pride in representing their countries. I was given the honor of being flag bearer for the 10 United States teams. I marched in front of the crowded stadium to cheers from the US players, families and friends. I am truly a lucky man. Tennis has given me so much. Tomorrow we kick off with a match against Japan. Let’s get ready to rumble! There are 10 different cup matches going on at one time here in Perth. There are men and women playing in the 35, 40, 45, 50 and 55 and over. Three different public facilities are being used. Our site is hosting the men's 45 and 55 events so we are very connected to the players at our facility. There are certain teams that we are most friendly with, those being Australia, Great Britain and Canada. Then there are those countries that we put up with, like Argentina, Spain, Germany and France. We are most competitive with Australia and Spain. We have been in the finals against Spain many times and although the banter amongst the players is light, there is a lot of psyching going on each day. When we are playing we often are being scouted by the Spanish team captain. We, of course, do the same with them, seeing what flaws have surfaced in their games since last we met. Usually, there are less flaws, but occassionally more injuries. It is r emarkable how all of us appear to play better each year. Today's match was against Croatia. We took great pleasure in defeating them soundly in that they defeated us in the first round of Davis Cup last month in California. They didn't have a Lubicic to take it to us the way he did against Roddick and Agassi. I won at #1 6-0, 6-1. I am pretty sure that with the World ranking points that I earned for winning matches at #1 for the last two days that I have moved into the #1 ranking in the world in the 55s. This is certainly a dream come true. Regardless I have a lot more work to do to help the team to victory. Captain Cheney has been talking to us about possible lineup changes in the event that we are 1-1 after the singles in any of our matches. He has talked to me about playing doubles after my singles if necessary. I am ready if called upon. here are some pics of me with the flag at opening ceremonies: Photos courtesy of Pat Parsons March 29 Today we played against a strong team from Argentina. They were the 5th seeded team (we were #2 behind Spain.) Turville played the opening match at #2 singles and dropped the first set but managed to pull out a victory in the third. So much for our thoughts of totally dominating the round robin part of the tournament. I played their top player at #1 and could not have played better, winning 6-0, 6-1. I am confident, on the ball, returning well and serving out of my mind. My body feels good and I am moving very well. This creates problems for my opponents. If I am at the ball I am making my shots. I love when things are flowing like this. Cheney and Newman won in 3 sets in the doubles. We have won our first three matches without the loss of a set and tomorrow play the semis against a very tough team of Australians. They are playing on their home courts and will have a big turnout of fans. We have our wives plus a couple of locals that have adopte d us. Captain Cheney is faced with a tough decision on tomorrow's lineup. After an amazing dinner overlooking the Indian Ocean in a town called Corteslow the team met to discuss what we should do. Cheney felt that, if we are at 1-1 after the singles, I should be playing doubles. Newman and Turville think that they should be playing the doubles. My only input was that if I am playing well and feeling confident then I will play doubles if he feels that he wants me out there...and it wouldn't matter who I teamed up with. The end result was the decision that I will play #1, Cheney #2 and our World Champions Turville and Newman at doubles. I am glad I am not the captain. I will be playing Lito Alvarez, who was originally from Argentina and is now a citizen here. He played for UCLA and is a superb player. I am looking forward to the challenge and plan to play in a way that he will have to play great to win points. I am ready. USA vs. Austria Tough day at the office for the USA. We lost all three matches againt host team Australia. Captain Brian Cheney, playing #2 singles lost a close one 7-5, 7-5. I spent much of his match trying to time a meal and my dynamic warmup exercises. I thought he was going to win the second set so I was watching rather than warming up. About ten minutes after I thought that I was on the court warming up against their #1 Lito Alvarez. Regardless I felt really ready. I was loose and intended to do what I had planned before arriving in Australia...to have a good time, to stay relaxed and to play good tennis. I played one of the greatest sets of tennis that I have ever played in a big moment winning 6-1, breaking Lito's serve three times in the set. I was totally on fire and made only two errors in the set, both service return misses in the one game that he won. I can't say that I made the mistake of thinking that things would continue that way, but I was amazed at what had happened. I served the first game of the second set, won the first point and then, on the second point, took him off the court with a wide serve to his backhand which he popped up and, looking at a wide open court, volleyed long. Amazingly, it was the opening that he needed and he picked up his game just enough to break my serve. He managed to hold serve through the set and we were at one set apiece. That is how fast things can change in a tennis match. I was still playing really well but he was staying with me. The third set was a battle with lots of ups and downs. First I was up a break. He evened it up. He served at 2-2 and I went up triple break point, played the next point a little too casual and then he popped two great serves in to get back to deuce. From there we battle again and he held for a 2-3 lead. I then dropped my serve as I lost some rhythm and couldn't buy a first serve. At ad out I had a pretty easy ball (although nothing is easy in a match of this magnitude) and hit it long. We both held and he got up to serve at 5-3 for the match. I got really tough again, reminded myself to compete for each and every point and got to break point. We then played the point of the tournament with both of us managing some incredible gets, hitting fifteen shot between us and me hitting a winner on the dead run with him ending up stretching out on the ground for the last attempt. I was back in it. Changing sides I was reminded to just get m y serves in and play tough. Didn't happen though as I double faulted the first point, he hit a winner return on the second and on the third point he lunged for a ball, popped it up over my head and I just didn't get up high enough to control the overhead. Down love 40, triple match point, I got one point and then Lito came up with a good return that I just couldn't quite control. Match to the Aussies. Lito and I hugged at the net to wild cheers from all. It was a wonderful battle. Of course I was disappointed to lose and to not push the match to one all for the doubles to decide. That being said I was totally ok with how I competed, my attitutude, my having a wonderful time while playing and with the way my game stayed consistent throughout. The doubles didn't matter and our guys lost to the Aussies as rain started to fall. Tomorrow we go against the Brits for the bronze medal so we can't think about the past. I look forward to another match. In retrospect I can see I need to be prepared to keep my intensity up when I have an amazing run during a match, the way I did in this one. I got a little too relaxed and that one point at the beginning of the second set cost me. Every loss is another wonderful lesson for the future. The seedings for next week's World Championships was announced last night and I am seeded #1. Nice acknowledgement for the past but won't win me many games against this strong field. I will go out every day and compete for every single point. No winning points on reputation or on what has happened in the past. USA Wins the Bronze After the coldest and rainiest April day in history in Perth yesterday we awoke to glorius weather today and hopes for a great match against the tough British team. Having competed against these guys several times over the last few years we knew that we were up against some experienced grass court players. Typically the #2 players play the first match but, today, because their #1 had a plane to catch in the afternoon I was first on. I didn't know that until I got to the courts and was a bit thrown off. I like to do about 15 minutes of dynamic stretching and then some hitting before my match. I needed to abbreviate as the ITF wanted to get things started right away. The great thing about feeling confident in my game, as I do this week, is that nothing really can throw me off once I am out there playing. No slow start for me as I beat the tar out of England's #1 55 and over player. I won the first eight games before a little mental slip. At 6-0, 2-0 I decided that since I had made all my first serves in the first game of the second set, I would try to make all first serves for the match. I made the first 3 to go up 40-0, got cocky and saw a few returns blow by me. Bottom line, I dropped my serve. It only made me more determined and I pounced all over him in the next game and cruised to a 6-2 second set. USA 1, Great Britian 0. Cheney went out at #2 and won 7-6, 6-3. That locked the match for us, the Brits defaulted the doubles and we won the bronze. Not too shabby. The Aussies beat the Spanish team 2-1 to win the gold. Happy for our friends from Oz. We will get them next time I am sure. Winning the Cup was definitely on my wish list for the year and I don't hesitate to make it a goal again. I always remember that setting big goals is a great way to achieve high levels of success. I thought that we had the horses to do it this year but tennis matches don't always turn out the way one expects. The important things were that we all played hard, had fun. strengthened our relationships with the other players and were happy for our friends who did well. The American teams overall did well with three of our ten teams winning gold, three silver and two bronze. Only one of our teams finished out of medal contention. Today was also the opening of the individual World Championships with many new players arriving. Not all players who played for the Cups stayed on so theri were hugs and good buys until the future, with promises to stay in touch. All of my teammates are staying on for the Worlds. I am playing doubles with Cheney and Newman and Turville are playing together as well. I hope that we can meet in the finals. Tomorrow practice with opening match for me on Monday. I will practice with my teammates but probably be a little less helpful to them than I have been all week. They are now opponents. Regardless I will be rooting for them and they for me until we have to meet. Then...all business. One last thing about the Cup matches is how important the wives are. They are our biggest supporters and when we receive our medals we always acknowledge that it would be tough to do without them. Next report probably won't be until Monday night. By the way, fed the kangaroos and pet the koalas the other day. Tomorrow to the beach on the Indian Ocean. Tennis continues to give me more than I had ever dreamed. World Championships The tournament started on Sunday but I had a bye in my first round so Cheney and I went out for a practice hit. It was awful. I was totally flat. I didn't want to be on the court. I couldn't get any energy going. My feet were stuck in one place. I was irritated, not interested, couldn't make returns and couldn't find the service box on my serve. I was really unhappy. I thought that I was done...that I had no more good tennis left. When I got back to the hotel I spent some time with Carol processing what was going on. Had I trained too hard before getting here and had nothing left? Was I homesick after being away for almost three weeks? No, it wasn't either of those. I figured out that this was a function of having just completed an intense week of playing for the Cup, where my focus had been on the team competition. There was,I suppose, a normal let down that occurrred. I had forgotten that the same thing happened last year at the conclusion of the Cup matches before the Worlds. Even with that awareness, I was not happy and concerned about how I would play on Monday. My match was against a tough Aussie who knew how to play on the grass. I walked on the court somewhat overconfident, feeling that, as the top seed, my opponent would be uptight against me. After playing spotty to 2-2 in the first set, he missed a few easy balls in a couple of his service games and I, not playing very sharp won the first set, 6-2. I was impatient with my lack of intensity and my inability to make a bunch of shots that I expect myself to make. The second set was similar but I did escape with a 6-3 win. I had made the mistake of underestimating my opponent and forgot what makes me tick on the court...having fun, loving the competition, moving my feet, playing loose and fighting for every point. It is important for me to have matches like this early in a tournament because it wakes me up. Cheney and I played a doubles match in the afternoon and things got a little better. Progess. I was more into it. I found that I was starting to care. I began to realize that I was going to have to fight hard to play well. I remembered to have a good time. I could see that the heaviness that I was feeling on the court was starting to lift. It better becaue tomorrow, in the round of 16, I will be playing the #1 player form Germany. I expect to be ready. I will not expect it to be easy. I will look forward to him playing well and forcing me to play up to my best. Tomorrow is also the quarters of the doubles and we are up against the 5th seeded team (we are #3), two really excellent Aussies, both members of the team that beat us in the Cup last week. This game of tennis is always throwing new challenges in my path. Last year I struggled with the pressure of being the #1 seed. This year the seeding doesn't matter to me as much.This year I am faced with being too relaxed about my seeding...that opponents will just be unable to stay with me. The last two days have reminded me that nothing comes easy in this game. The fact that I played dominant tennis last week means nothing about this week. Every time I play I must get myself into the present. I must compete for each and every point. If my opponent gives me some errors, so be it, but I better not expect it because everybody here has won many matches over the years. I must maintain respect for my opponents. I must stay humble. Saw that Federer won again. I have a new level of respect for tour players who must get it up week in and week out. There is othing easy about playing great one week and then having to do it again starting two days later. Thanks to everybody for your messages of support. 4/5/2005 Managed to find new energy today. I woke up eager to play and my physical followed. I played at 9:30 aginst Germany's #1 and after splitting the first four games to go to 2-2 I went on a roll and won 6-2, 6-1. I was loose, relaxed, having fun and enjoying the challenge. I felt no pressure to live up to anyone's expectations, although I have to admit I am being very tough on myself because of the level that I had been playing at. I am somewhat put out with myself when I miss a service return so I need to recognize that my opponent does have something to do with it. I will need to remember that tomorrow as I am playing Aussie Peter Rigg in the quarters. I have played him once, in 1999, and lost to him 7-6 in the third in the semis of the Worlds in Amsterdam. That was on clay and I was probably favored. He is better on grass than clay but I am a better big match player than I was back then. He will make me play my best if I am to win and I look forward to a match that will do that. there are many Aussies that show up to support their mates and they will be there in full force so I will image up all of you who read my journals. I will figure you are cheering my efforts. Cheney and I had a huge win in the quarters of the doubles today. We won the first set 6-2 and were down in the second 1-4 with me serving down 0-30. We escaped that game, broke at love and were back on serve. I served again at 4-5 and was donw two set points but, again, with great teamwork and effort, we got to 5-5. We went to a tiebreaker and really jelled winning in 7-1 with me ending it with a backhand down the line winner while playing the ad side. Very satisfying. Pretty tight after a long day of playing and was doing some stretching when the captain of the Japanese team, a guy that I beat last week, came over and offered to massage and stretch me. This is a big part of what this competition is about. Tennis diplomacy, building friendships and letting the competition bridge our countries. Another example is that, tonight the Cheneys and Carol and I are guests for dinner at the home of Peter and Tina Rigg, my opponent in the quarters of the singles and the semis of the doubles tomorrow. Lots of jokes about slipping each other bad food and drinks but all in great fun. More News from Perth First I will get the results out of the way...I won in the quarters of the singles 6-4, 6-3. We lost in the semis of the doubles 6-7, 7-5, 6-3. Now I can talk about what an incredibly challenging day it was for me. Matches began at 11:30 and it was 32 degrees, which means it was about 95 degrees farenheit. The sun was directly overhead and difficult for my lefty serve and continued to be a challenge until about 1:30 when I escaped with my singles win. I went on the court overly concerned about the possibility of losing to Aussie Peter Rigg, who, last night at dinner, kept making reference to poisoning my food and other comments that suggested that he was really nervous about the match. All it did was make me more up tight than I needed to be. I was confident that I am the better player and, as a result, felt extra pressure. I guess that sounds backwards but that is just the way it was. Last night when thinking about the match I got in touch with how, most of last year, I was feeling that playing within myself, that my game was good enough, was a great mental place to be. Somehow I have lost that feeling. Maybe it had to do with the monumental match I played against Lito Alvarez last week, when I played absolutely awesome and came away with a loss. My struggles against some lesser players since that match had a lot to do with me trying to overdo everything. The result is that I ma missing a lot when I probably don't need to. In spite of recognizing that I needed to play within myself I struggled against Rigg, truly a worthy opponent, but someone I probably would not have too much trouble with when I am on my game. Technically I found that by trying to do too much, my timing was off and I was way ahead of the ball, the result being lots of service returns into the net. I managed to hang tough, mentally, against Rigg and, as I said earlier, escaped with a win and advanced to the semis. You may think that it is peculiar to play what I feel is just so so tennis and still advance this far in the Worlds. I guess that it is and I need to, somehow, improve my perspective and realize that I am playing well. What a wierd game this tennis is. The doubles was a war. Lito and Rigg were seeded #1 for good reason. These Aussies really play great doubles. I had lost to this pair in 1999 in Amsterdam in the finals of the Worlds. Cheney and I started off tentatively and hung in until we got to a tiebreaker, which we lost 7-1 in the first set. We struggled in the second and were down a service break when I managed to remember that "playing within myself" was a good idea. I started to make a high percentage of returns, stopped thinking that my normal game was not good enough and, in spite of Brian struggling a bit, kept us in it and we managed to win the second set. It was my best tennis in a week. Entering the third hour of the match the heat was getting to all of us and it was just going to be a matter of who could hold on. 1-1, 2-2 3-3 and then at 3-3, Lito hit a double fault at deuce. Break point with me returning. He put a slow serve into my forehand and I netted it. He doubled again and I missed another return, again overhitting because I doubted that just putting it in play would be good enough. We got another break point and, this time, I lobbed the return but had a brain freeze as I stayed back and got suckered into overhitting a backhand. He eventually escaped and they were up 4-3. Brian dropped serve. It was a team effort, as doubles always is and the Aussies served it out at love. It is so disappointing to play that long and walk away with a loss, especially when we had so many opportunities. Tennis is often a mean game and it felt like that this afternoon. We were all exhausted but that feeling is not so bad when you win. Regardless I will need to get up for my semifinal match tomorrow against doubles partner and good friend Brian Cheney. We will breakfast together and even warm up together and then try to kick each other's butts. I still need to do some work on my self esteem and find a way to trust my game. If I start to overhit I am certain to be doomed. This will be a great challenge tomorrow. The finish line is in sight but still very far away. I expect to make a lot of returns and to serve well and then to let everything else flow. 2004 Austria Cup Sept. 13-18 The Austria Cup begins: I woke up on Monday morning and I felt like I had fallen down a flight of stairs. Every part of my body ached and my legs were so stiff that I was walking around like the tin man. I was relieved that I was sitting out of the opening match against Norway. We arrived at the historic Philadelphia Cricket Club, which is celebrating its 150th Anniversary this year, and registered our team to compete for the Austria Cup. We would be playing a round robin flight against Norway, Turkey and Argentina and hope to advance to the quarterfinals by winning the flight. We were assigned a practice court for 1/2 hour, after which the Norwegian team gets to use the same court for 1/2 hour. The matches follow. In spite of sitting out, I still was going to warm up my teammates. I didn’t want them to see how uncomfortable I was so I sort of hobbled around, hit some serves, acted unconcerned and relaxed. Getting out there on the stadium court, I started to think that I wanted to play in the doubles. Fortunately, Captain Cheney ignored my request and told me I was to rest and get a little exercise to get the stiffness out. I watched my teammates romp to victory, winning both singles matches and the doubles. I also got many congratulations from players from many other countries who had heard about my big wins last week. For one day, I felt like the star. I know that only lasts until I hit my first ball this week. Then I am just another player, trying to help win the Cup. Back at the hotel, I hit the gym and woke my muscles up, because the next morning I would be playing #1 against the Turkish team. The order of the matches is #2 singles, followed by #1 singles and then the doubles. Obviously, that first match, played by #2 is critical and I was happy that Bohannon, at #2, won easily. The pressure was off a little with us needing only one win between my singles and the doubles. Regardless, when I step on the court to play for the USA, there is always more pressure. One of my goals for this year was to play the way I am capable when I play for the country. That means to be free of the fear of losing, letting the team down and letting the USA down. It is only then that I am able to be my true self on the court. I played my match feverishly making sure to give nothing away. I dropped two points in the first game and only five more points for the balance of a 6-0 6-0 win. I was intense. The match lasted 35 minutes. I was truly on a mission and riding high on confidence from the last week. I know it will get tougher as we move through the draw. I am ready. Our team heard that the Irish team had many travel problems and incurred big expenses in trying to get here. We decided that, as the host team, we would take them out to dinner tonight. This is a big part of what these international matches are about. Journal Entry...Third Match of Austria Cup Another very successful day for Team USA. We needed a win today over Argentina to advance to the quarterfinals. I started us off playing at #2. Still feeling very confident and on a mission to help the team win the Cup I, as I did yesterday, won 6-0, 6-0. I was so intense. I didn’t want to lose one point. I came close, losing nine points in twelve games. Even when I was playing the last game, I made total effort to get to every ball and to hit the right shot. My mantra for the week is “no gifts from me.” If somebody is going to get a point from me they will have to win it. I am hitting the ball cleanly, anticipating well and moving with ease on the grass. My serve is staying consistent and I am returning a high percentage of serves, which is not easy to do on a grass court. The result of all of this is that I feel totally relaxed and confident. I know I haven’t been challenged since Sunday’s finals of the Nationals so I need to sit on my tendency to be overconfident. I am aware of it so I think I will be ok. I have also told Carol and my teammates to watch out for my attitude and to call me on it if I go off track. Cheney won at #1 and then Bronson and Bohannon won at doubles, so we won’t be singing “Don’t cry for me, Argentina.” We move on to the quarters tomorrow against New Zealand. They have some players that know how to play on the grass. After returning to the hotel I got some amazing, shocking news. The International Tennis Federation tournament committee announced the seedings for next week’s World Championships. I am seeded #1. I am truly overwhelmed. When I first started to play senior tournaments in 1983 I was searching for external validation. I didn’t know that I would end up finding out that validation from the outside was only marginally important...that I would find what I needed inside myself. That is still true, but I must say that when the ITF says, by seeding, that they think you are #1 in the Worlds, a tournament with all of the top senior players competing, well, that feels pretty incredible. (Of course, it only means something until the first ball is served next Monday.) Journal entry...Quarterfinals vs. New Zealand First, I will get the results out of the way. We beat NZ 3-0. I won at #2. Cheney won at #1 and Bronson and Bohannon won at doubles. We haven’t dropped a set yet. We are into tomorrow’s semifinals against a tough Australian squad. Rain is scheduled, in which case we will head indoors, probably on fast indoor courts. We need to be mentally preparing for that possibility. It is a different game. I will definitely do some imaging tonight. My match was interesting. This is what makes this whole experience so fascinating. When I walked on the court to warm up this morning, I had the feeling that everyone was now watching me. I felt pressure to play up to the #1 seeding that I am carrying around until Monday. When my match started I was aware that I hadn’t lost a game in my first two matches and that, if I was truly worthy of the seeding, I shouldn’t lose a game today. Whew! That is some serious pressure. The funny thing about this is that this was all in my mind. That little tiny person inside me that always wants to be noticed got noticed. Of course, then it wanted more. So there I was on the feature court, with mini me taking me away from my tasks at hand. I was annoyed that I lost the first game. How ridiculous is that? I did win the first set, 6-4, but mini me was not happy. Not living up to the perfect player. I shut that voice down in between sets 1 and 2 and played a good second set, winning 6-2. A good lesson to remember is that I must focus on who I am, not on how I want to be perceived by others. Tomorrow the boys from OZ. Journal Entry Semifinals of the Austria Cup 9/17 This was what I have been looking forward to. The opportunity to play a match that really matters for the USA. Due to the possibility of heavy rain, both #1 and #2 singles were played simultaneously on adjacent courts. I won my first set. I looked at Cheney’s score and saw that he had won his first set in a tiebreaker. I went up a service break and was rolling along when I saw that Cheney was losing in his second set. I instantly felt extra pressure to win my match and promptly tightened up. Serving at 3-2, I played a bad game and lost serve for the first time, on grass, in two years. My Aussie opponent felt the opening and started to play much better, holding serve to 3-4. Meantime the wheels were falling off for me. I started to get negative, frustrated and annoyed with how things were going. I was embarrassed that I was unable to serve out the set. I then dropped my serve, again, this time with two double faults. I knew what was happening but couldn’t grab the steering wheel. I was so shaky that when my opponent served for the set at 5-3, I didn’t make one return. I was now one set all. I looked at Cheney’s score and saw that he was down 1-3 in the third. If I couldn’t win, we might very well be out. Bronson was sitting on the court (we are allowed to be coached in team events) and said, “ Bob, the third set is all mental. It isn’t about your shots anymore.” It was the perfect thing to say to me. I could not let myself lose this match by having my mental let me down. I pumped up, got relaxed and got a break right away. With a 3-1 lead I had an easy shot to get to 4-1. Missed it. Dropped serve. Cheney down 4-1 in the third. I knew that I needed to pull it out. With my opponent serving at 3-4 I played a gutsy game and broke serve. My heart was pounding with nerves. I slowed down, took a bunch of deep breaths and then served it out. One point for Team USA. I ran to the next court to support Cheney. I had his score wrong. He had been leading in the third. He served for the match and the team victory at 5-3, dropped serve and then managed to break for the match. USA 2, Aussies 0. We completed the sweep with a doubles win. Tomorrow the top seeded Spanish team. Both Cheney and I will need to reverse losses that we have had in the past against our opponents. Go USA. Journal Entry...Finals of the Austria Cup The team woke up to torrential rains and we were told that, instead of starting at 10 in our match for the cup against Spain, a decision would be made at 2PM. At that point it would be decided whether or not we would play outdoors on clay or indoors on a hard court. I wasn’t concerned about what the surface would be. I was ready to take on Jorge Cammino, who had beaten me a couple of years ago in the semis of the Perry Cup matches. He is, arguably, considered the best of the Spaniards, even though he plays at #2. Clay is his best. Grass is my best. We would be very even on the hardcourts. He is the most consistent and quickest player I have ever played. We have been posturing with each other all week in anticipation of this matchup, even though he speaks no English and I speak no Spanish. We are friends who communicate through our tennis. At 2 we were told to get to the indoor courts. Cheney and I again were on adjacent courts, he strongly favored to win his match to give us one of the three points we would need to win. Quite a few people were there crowded into the lobby and spilling onto the back of the courts. In spite of not making a first serve for the first two games I held and served at 2-2. In that game, I continued to miss first serves and got broken. Big trouble as he held at love twice and I struggled to win my next two games. He served for the set at 5-4, I got tough and broke him and eventually got to a tiebreaker, which I won. In the meantime, Cheney dropped his first set in a breaker. At one all in the second, Cammino pulled it very together and broke me twice in a row, continued to roll and I lost the second set 1-6. Then the unthinkable. Cheney loses the second set and the match. I need to win or we are done. I leave the court, go into the locker room and look into the mirror. I told myself, “this is what you have wanted all year. A chance to carry the weight of the team.” Back on the court Bronson reminded me, again, that “now this is all about your mental. Play your game. Have some fun. It is your match to win.” I held and Cammino got up to serve. I played my best game of the match and broke him. I knew that if I held my serve for the rest of the set I would win. Every single serve game was a battle. Cammino would not lay down. I took endless time before each point. I breathed. I smiled at Carol. I relaxed my shoulders. I got a good serving rhythm going, not trying to overhit too much, which is a tendency on the hardcourts. I continued to hold and when he served at 3-5, he held at love. The pressure was huge. My heart was racing. I took my time, got to 40-love. Then, I served an ace, but it was called a let. I put in another first serve, got him off the court, came in and volleyed a winner for the match. My greatest win against my toughest opponent in the biggest moment I have ever played. I was ecstatic. We were now at 1-1 for the team match. The doubles was awesome and pressure packed. The Spaniards were flawless and our doubles team of Bronson and Bohannon were unable to break through losing the match 7-6, 7-5. It was a huge letdown for the team. Regardless, we all hugged and congratulated each other for a great effort all week. The four of us had bonded, supported each other, cheered for each other, won together and lost together. It was a total team effort. We were each presented with beautiful silver medals. We talked of working to make the team for next year, going to Perth, Australia and taking the Cup back. For me, it was a most extraordinary week. In January, I had written in my journal: If I make the Cup team, my goal is to play in Cup matches freer of the tension that I have played with in the past. I want to bring my true A game to the Cup matches. I had achieved my goal. This morning I am tired. I get a day off to rest and maybe hit a few balls. Tomorrow I begin my quest to win the World Championships. It is the biggest goal I have set and can’t wait to put myself on the line. 2004 ITF World Championships Sept. 19-25 Journal Entry Sept. 20 Round 2 World Championships Hundreds of players arrived for the World Championships yesterday. There are players from ages 55-90 from 35 countries. There is a buzz the first day of the World Championships that is unlike any other tournament. Many of us see friends we have made over the years. I get to mix with legendary players such as 92 year old Gardner Mulloy, who won four Wimbledon doubles titles. Dodo Cheney, 88 years old, arrives tomorrow to compete in the Women’s 80s. She has won over 300 National Championships, more than twice the number of the next best and was inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame this summer in the same ceremony as Steffi Graf and Stefan Edberg. We all share the passion for tennis and competition. I received a bye in the first round so I took it easy on Monday getting a well earned rest. Today I had my first match against a Kiwi (New Zealander) and won 6-2, 6-2. I am sure being seeded #1 contributed to the ease of the match. I don’t think my opponent thought he had a chance. The reality was that anything could have happened. I was flat on the court. My physical and mental energy were low. The highs of the last two weeks made it hard to fire up again. I was fortunate to escape with a win. Spent time this afternoon with a physical therapist who treated my fatigued and sore muscles. Part of me wants to go home and rest. That isn’t going to happen so I am working myself up for tomorrow’s 3rd round encounter with an American opponent. I am remembering my goal of wanting to win the World Championships and working on getting pumped up to that end. I am sure that my ambivalence is coming through. This may also be a reaction to being seeded #1 and the expectations that come with it. I am sure that by tomorrow morning I will be ready to rumble. Journal Entry Sept. 21 World Championships 3rd Round Got to the Club a little earlier today to give myself time for a good off court warmup. I have been doing new pre-match exercises that emphasize dynamic stretching. Instead of stretching just one muscle, I do movements that fire and stretch a bunch of muscles at one time. When I finish doing them I feel much more physically ready and my cardio is cooking too. We only get a five minute warmup once we get on the court, so it is important to hit the court running. I felt more energized when I started to hit and played the first five games with great intensity. I won the first set 6-1 and was leading 0-3 in the second when my opponent started to play better. At the same time, my intensity dropped off. I won the second set 6-3 but was unhappy that I didn’t maintain my intensity. My serve was better than the last couple of matches because I was more conscientious about my rhythm. Overall it was an improvement over the last two days. At the end of the day I was, again, feeling low energy. I started to think that I had used up a limited supply of energy, intensity and interest in playing. I also realized that that is ridiculous. If I got stranded in a snow storm and had to walk for a day I would be able to do it. I just need to locate the button to access my supply. I have been visualizing myself as I am when I am eager and excited to be on the court. I am going to will myself into a better place. I will not fail myself by making too little effort. I need to fight against feeling like I have done enough over the last couple of weeks. I am near the finish line and I need to sprint past it. This is a tough battle that I am going through right now. I will remember my goal of wanting to win the World Championships. The opportunity is here for me. The #1 seeding has been an albatross and I have used it improperly to put more pressure on myself to win. I have been playing tight and making excuses like “I am tired.” When I am playing my best I just go out to play good tennis and I can, then, accept whatever the result is. If I go on the court only to win, I play tight. Writing is this journal helps me discover what is going on and I am feeling lighter already. Tomorrow I play a Swedish player who recently won the European Championships. He has been mowing down players in the draw. Many players are talking him up. I have been worried about playing him all day. Now that I have decided to just “play good tennis” my worries are over. Bring him on! Journal Entry Sept. 22 Round of 16 Once again I rediscover that the effort I have put into being aware of what is going on for me and taking control of my thoughts has been worthwhile. Yesterday, I was ready to give in...to make marginal effort....to be satisfied. Complacency was setting in. Writing last night was freeing. I had dinner with a friend and fellow player, Lloyd Emanuel, who pushed me to make my next match the beginning of the final phase, not the end of the last phase. Mike Zimmerman told me to use the #1 seeding to my advantage...to let my opponent know, in the first few games, why I was seeded #1. I felt energized this morning. I couldn’t wait to get on the court. I had a positive warmup with Ken Dahl, the sixth seed, of Vancouver, BC. I felt my forehand for the first time in a few days. I could feel the flow in my serve. I could tell I was going to play well. Mats Lilja, of Sweden was going to feel my presence from the moment he stepped on the court with me. I was thrilled that we were the opening match in the Stadium. I wanted the spotlight. He was good at the start, holding serve for two games, but in both games I hit a few shots that I was sure gave him the message that he was in for a tough day. I held serve to 2 all and then I broke him...and broke him again...and again...and again. I broke him 6 times in a row and won the match 6-2, 6-2. I played a near perfect match. I returned great. I served consistently. No double faults. I smacked forehands whenever I had a swing at one. I lobbed effectively. What a feeling! As often as it happens, I am always amazed at how my thoughts contribute to my beliefs and how my beliefs impact on my actions. I had doubts when I was leaving the hotel this morning. I unplugged my phone charger. I took a couple of books down to the car. I fought off asking how late I could check out. At the last moment, the late check out question stumbled out of my mouth. It wasn’t a lot but a small part of me thought I wouldn’t be able to make the changes I had written about. When I got to the courts, though, I was acting and feeling just the way I had envisioned. I had defeated that part of myself that was doubting. This game of tennis and these competitions teach me over and over again. I feel like it is the first time every time I learn that I have control. Tomorrow the quarterfinals against a close friend and former teammate, Neal Newman. In my very first National tournament I lost to Neal in the first round of the consolation tournament. Many years later we were opponents in a National Indoor final. We have both come a long way. He is one of my closest buddies in the National tournaments and I will need to disconnect from him completely to have my best chance of playing to my level. Journal Entry Sept. 23 Quarterfinals No prepacking the car today. I felt confident this morning. I won my match 6-3, 3-6, 6-2. My opponent is known for his excellent service returns, his extreme hard lefty slice serve and an uncanny ability to anticipate where shots will be hit. I returned particularly well today and broke his serve quite a few times. My challenge was to serve well with him applying a lot of pressure at all times. He blew a few by me in the first few games so I made a major tactical adjustment. I stopped serve and volley and stayed back. This had worked against him in the finals of the National Indoors a couple of years ago. It worked again today. It took away his strength and got me more solidly into the point. One tough moment. The courts are getting worn down near the baseline and this makes them slippery. At one set up and a 2-1 lead (needing only four games to advance to the semis)I took a fall after serving and fell on my racket. The butt of the racket jammed into the palm of my hand. Instantly, I thought I was injured. I quickly lost the next eight points and, promptly, lost the set 6-3. Losing five of the last six games is not a good way to go into the 3rd set. We had a ten minute break during which time I had a good firm talk with myself. Don’t blame it on your hand. If you can’t play, then just stop. If you can, just get on with it. Only one more set to get to the semis. I broke him a couple of times and won it. Tomorrow I play a legendary opponent, Armistead Neely 3rd, who I have lost to in the past a couple of times. I wasn’t the player then that I am now. I have been keeping to myself that, if I advance to the finals, which are scheduled for Saturday, I will not play on Yom Kippur. To me, tomorrow is my final. As much as I want to win the Worlds, there is, for me, no question about what is more important. I let the ITF officials know, six months ago, about the potential conflict. They said that the finals date is in stone. I didn’t mention it again until today. They said that they would see what they could do to, possibly, schedule the finals for tomorrow afternoon (if I should get there), but that they couldn’t force my opponent to do it. They informed me that I would still receive points earned for the event but that I would be ineligible for prize money. Strange. Regardless, I am just going out tomorrow to play a good match against a great player in a huge moment in my playing career. Carol is on her way down on Amtrak tonight. Amy and Jody are coming down tomorrow morning. I am a lucky man. Sept. 24 Semifinals Today I beat Armistead Neely to advance to the finals of the World Championships. I hit an entirely new level of tennis today. Today I truly felt like the best 55 and over player in the World. Over the last three weeks I have had four career wins over players that I have never defeated. Each one of the four is legendary. I dropped only one set in three weeks. I won 18 matches in a row. Today I was nearly flawless. I served about 80% first serves and returned as well as I ever have. People watching the match said that I was toying with my opponent. I wasn’t. What really happened was that I was relaxed and eager to play good tennis. I played totally within myself, never overhitting a shot. I had Carol, Jody, Amy and, my good friend, Mike Lieberman there supporting me and that made the match extra special for me. The match went perfectly. We both held serve through the first eight games. At 4-4, with Neely serving, I told myself that this was the first key moment in the match. I bore down and broke his serve with a running passing shot that he didn’t think I would get to. Serving 5-4, I hit a small bump and went down 15-40. I won four straight points to close out the set. I then broke him at love in the first game of the second set, held serve at love and then went up 0-40 on his next serve game. Even though he escaped that game I had made my mark on him by winning 15 consecutive points. The second set was just a matter of holding my serve, which I did successfully. I thought about my parents a lot during this time. I felt that they were there watching over me and helping me through. When I won the last point, I screamed out in joy, ran over to my family and celebrated. I am so proud of myself for getting through so many tough matches. I am pleased that I was able to keep things in perspective, remembering that a tennis match is just that...nothing more, nothing less. It is just an opportunity for me to attempt to reach my potential. I am pleased that I expanded my capacity for competition over these last three weeks. I look forward to my next chance to grow more. The ITF dropped the ball on arranging for the finals to be played this afternoon. They never spoke to the other finalist, Thomas Koch, of Brazil. He left the site and they couldn’t reach him. Once that happened I let them know that I was, officially, defaulting the finals. I will not play on Yom Kippur. I never had a doubt. I may have sacrificed being the World Champion this time around but I believe that I will have another chance in the future. If not, I have still reached the top of another mountain and I cherish the experience. One more high point today. I met and spent time with Dodo Cheney, who this year was inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame. She is 87 years young and has won 349 National Championships. Former four time Wimbledon doubles Champion, Gardner Molloy, 92, is second with about 125 National titles. These people are the real inspiration for the rest of us. I may have some more reflections on the last few weeks over the next couple of days but if I don’t I want to make sure to thank everyone who supported me over the last few weeks. Those of you who have emailed me with wishes of good luck and congratulations, my Austria Cup teammates, Ray, Lloyd, Ron Kahn, Charlie Hoeveler, John, Mike Zim, Mike Lieberman, Kirk, my Irish connection (esp. Aidan), Jane, Jody, Amy and, of course, Carol, who has made my ongoing tennis journey an extraordinary shared experience. 2004 USTA National Hardcourt Championships Nov. 8-14 October 22, 2004 I don't know if you all have recovered from my last journal or the baseball playoffs but here we I go again: Preparation for the National 55 Hardcourt Championships Nov. 8-14 I will begin this preparation by closing the door on the most exciting three weeks of tennis that I have ever played. My experiences in September, playing the National Grass, the Cup matches and the World Championships were memorable. I was so into every single match that I had no idea, while I was going through it, how many matches I actually played. As someone who thinks things like “I have won X matches in a row,” it was remarkable that it wasn’t until two days after I finished playing that I realized that I had won 20 matches out of 20 in 17 days. I had no idea. If I had, the task might have been too great for me. Instead, it was a day to day, stay in the moment experience. Each day I knew I just had to get out there and play a good match. Something else that was interesting was that I felt better, physically, after the 20 matches than I felt when starting the run. I am convinced that this helps explain my good play. Typically I break down as the number of matches I play increases. This has a lot to do with how much tension I am experiencing...how tight my muscles actually are while I am competing. This time, though, I was completely relaxed about playing. I was unconcerned about the winning and losing. In fact, all I really wanted was to hit the shots where I wanted and to play good tennis. I did. Because I was so relaxed, playing ended up being more like stretching. The result was that I got healthier and healthier. At the end of the Worlds I could have played another week. Funny, that was one of the early mental obstacles I was faced with when I first decided to play these events. If you have been following along then you know that the ITF penalized me for not playing the finals of the Worlds without a medical excuse. They reviewed my protest and gave me the ranking points that I earned and, as of 10/15, I am ranked #2 in the World by the ITF. I felt a lot of wins. The matches. The choosing Yom Kippur over the finals. Winning the protest. All in all, a remarkable month for me. Now to the present. I have been back in the gym, knowing that this work contributed to my recent success. I have just started to play some practice matches on the hard courts, mostly with strong junior players. I also had an important playing session with frequent practice partner, Kirk Moritz. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t winning every point from him, not to mention every game. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had distorted how I was viewing my recent play. I was assuming that opponents would just fall to my feet and that, even if they didn’t, I would be able to win any point whenever I felt like it. This feeling of overconfidence is not only missing the important competitive quality of humility, it is also totally counterproductive. I probably was grandiose and condescending, although I probably hid that by saying nice shot, even when I didn’t mean it. I stopped that immediately and started to see my game as it is right now. One frequent mistake that I make when overconfident is that I go for too big a shot too often or too early because, of course, I don’t think I can miss. I miss a lot in this state.Noticing this pattern reminds me how tough I play when I run everything down and put the ball in play...to give my opponent, no matter how tough I think they are, another ball to hit. So my first playing goals, in preparing for the Nationals, are to play more patiently and, when I choose to go for a bigger shot, to go just big enough. I am eager to get on the court this afternoon to get to work on this. November 7, 2004 On My Way to Palm Springs I am on the plane on my way to the National Hardcourt Championships. This is the first outdoor hardcourt tournament that I have played in 12 years. Typically, I shut down my tennis competition after the September grass court tournaments but this year is different. My recent playing experiences have been more enjoyable than any I can remember in the last 20 years so I just want to get out there and do it again. There is more. I am 40 points away from ending the year as the #1 ranked player in the World. This tournament offers me the opportunity to make a run at the ranking. I have not checked to see how many points I can win in Palm Springs because I don’t want to focus on getting to a particular round. I want to go out and play good tennis in every match that I play and, at the end of the tournament, see how I made out. To approach it any other way will distract me from my daily match tasks. It is hard for me to do this because I really want to know, but I won’t give in to the temptation. Over the last couple of weeks I have been training hard. I have continued to work in the gym, building my strength and my cardio. I have worked extra hard on my legs, for the hardcourts can take their toll. I have practiced exclusively on indoor hardcourts over the last month, against players younger, stronger and faster than any I will see this week. Each practice session has put another piece in place for me. I played Elvis, the former Jamaican Davis Cup player. The first time we played, I was fierce and stayed with him through two sets and, even though I lost both sets, I could see how running every ball down, playing my shots to areas of the court where he couldn’t hurt me and competing for each point would make me tough against players in my age group. The second time we played he wanted to show me that I had no business playing him close. He beat me 6-0, 6-3. It was a perfect workout for me to continue to play hard and to compete for each point. I never let down, even though the points were going against me. I practiced with Phil, one of my regular practice partners and, again, even though I lost in score, I was playing tough throughout the whole session. I got in touch with a few important things. First, I noticed how, when playing against a player who gets to everything, I tend to overplay my shots, hitting too hard or too close to the lines. It isn’t that I don’t know this, but being aware of it again is helpful. It reminds me that I must continue to remind myself of those things I have learned in the past and to take nothing for granted. The second thing that I noticed is that I am doing a much better job of correcting bad shot selections. I immediately tell myself what to do next time to get a better result. I have been working on this for years and for me to be doing it more automatically is a great feeling of progress. I have enough things to remember when playing so it is helpful when some of them require less conscious effort. I also had a great practice session with Adrian Cirici, who is one of the top 35ers in the East. While playing with him I became more and more aware of how I am seeing shots that my opponent hits earlier and earlier. I feel that I really know where the ball is going like never before. In conjunction with this I feel more and more aware of what my best shot selection is off any ball that comes to me. Knowing where the ball will be hit and knowing where I am going to hit it makes life on the court much easier. It sounds so obvious. The game continues to get simpler as I play it more. While playing Adrian I also noticed that the trust that I feel in executing my shots has increased. I am sure that this is all a result of the confidence I continued to develop over the last couple of years. I feel ready. I am eager to take on the challenge of being a target for all of the other players. Brian Cheney, my recent Perry Cup teammate is seeded #1. I am #2. The number 3, 4 and 5 seeds are players that I defeated this summer on the grass. They all have a bulls eye painted on my back, eager to get my on the hardcourts. Bring them on. One other thing to report. On Thursday of this week I got up and had no strength in my playing arm. I had terrible pain in my shoulder, could not get my arm over my head and, when I got on the court to teach, I couldn’t follow through on my forehand without pain. It felt like a rotator cuff injury from ten years ago. To say the least, I was upset. No tournament and the potential of a painful winter of teaching. The day before I had pulled something in my neck but it had just been momentary and it didn’t concern me. I was obviously wrong. Well, I wasn’t going to wait. I gave a few lessons, hitting backhands only and then got on the phone to my “medical team.” I was lucky to get an appointment with Dr. Ken Montgomery, the orthopedist for the US Open and a fellow Sport Science Committee member. I know that he has seen worse in more important situations, like Sampras the day before the Open one year. He thought, based on my description and my symptoms that I had pinched a nerve in my neck. He suggested bombarding it with every modality I could, so off I went, with a fresh supply of anti-inflammatories, to see Terry Eagle, chiropractor extraordinairre. She worked on me for about an hour, adjusting and doing deep tissue massage. Then, off to George Papadopoulis, a physical therapist who had a lot to do with my feeling great before the World Championships, for heat, ice, electric stim and ultra sound. Home for more icing and a call to Gerda, the healer. Gerda had cured my former rotator cup injury without ever touching me. Believe it or not she worked on me over the phone and told me not to worry, I would be fine in a day or two. Friday morning I was pretty sore but definitely feeling a bit better. Friday afternoon and I could hit forehands pain free. By Saturday morning...it was like it never happened. Another lesson for me. Act on an injury immediately and bombard it with everything that has ever worked. Whew! This afternoon and tomorrow will be practice with my first match against a local California player on Tuesday morning. November 8 First match Tuesday morning 9AM. Today great practice in an absolutely extraordinary setting. In the dessert in Palm Springs, with a mountain range in the distance and the Indian Wells Tennis Garden stadium (17000 seats, the second largest tennis venue in the World) overlooking the courts, the sky clear and blue, no humidity and 85 degrees. What could be better for a tennis player? Again, hooking up with all the guys who play the senior circuit with me, I am reminded that much of this experience is about the relationships that I have developed over the years. Our lives may be different but our passion is the same...to compete, to be the best that we can be and to continue to grow. I had dinner tonight with six other players at a restaurant owned by an old friend from Long Island who has moved here. As I introduced him to the players, what has become routine for me, totally blew him away. There were over 150 National Championships amongst the seven of us. The #2, 4, 6 and 10 ranked players in the World, as well as the two players who just won the World Championships in doubles were sitting having a meal together. When I look around and see these players and realize that I belong there, I am humbled. November 9 Got to the courts by 8AM for my 9:00 match. I knew that my opponent was not going to be very tough. My first round opponent had dropped out so the tournament committee filled the spot with a 65 year old club member. Regardless, I stuck with my new pre match routine of doing 15 minutes of dynamic stretches. Firstly, you never really know about an opponent...he could have been a 65 year old former tour player. Second, it is important that I develop the habits that help me be effective even if I don't really need them for some matches. It is only by doing them over and over again that they become part of who I am. When I checked in, I was informed that my opponent had called at 7:30 to say he could not play. A default. I would have liked to play to just get my head into more of a match place, in spite of the match being relatively routine. I hooked up with another player and played a strong practice set. It was enough for me because I, right now, don't need to play a lot to get my game right. I just need short, intense workouts. I heard that Connors and Agassi both like short practices and have decided that, if it worked for them, it might work for me. The Head Pro from Indian Wells club had a few of his top juniors watching and asked one how he thought he would do against a highly ranked 55er. He said that he could never lose to someone 55. So I match was made. The kid is going to LSU next year on a full scholarship. I have practiced with enough juniors in the last year to know that, if I could get my teeth into a couple of points early on, he would probably get really annoyed, especially with his friends watching. After I beat him 6-1, he stormed off the court saying that he should quit tennis. I could see in him my own past, when I had zero humility. He and I had a little chat later on and I suggested that he find respect for his opponents before he got to LSU or he would likely not play very much. It was a fun time for me. Next match tomorrow at 10:30. Same routine. Same respect for my opponent. Game face. Compete for every point as if the fate of the Universe depends on my effort and focus. November 10 Played on the stadium court this morning, which I love to do. It helps me concentrate because all of the players, at this point, know that I am a mental training coach and into this whole “focus” thing. I used to feel pressure when players would watch me, feeling like I had to play well to impress them. Now, I just play my game as well as I can on that day and attempt to satisfy myself while trying to win the match. I won against a good player from Texas 6-1, 6-2. I worked hard at taking out his legs by moving him side to side. I had excellent control today and this strategy worked well for, even if he won a point, he would have very little in his legs for the next two or three points. I have to stay alert to my tendency to overdo this which contributes to me not ending the point when the opportunity is there. I have heard how Agassi will sometimes get into trying to punish his opponent by wearing him down and by trying to emulate him I stop going for shots. Today that was ok. Going forward in the draw, that will not work as well. Tomorrow I will make sure to take the point when it is there for me. Tonight I had dinner with tomorrow’s opponent. He lives in Rancho Mirage, which is near the tennis center. If my old high school basketball coach were around, he would say to me “don’t fraternize with your opponent before the game.” Sorry, Dutch. I will have to see how it impacts on the match. Right now I am feeling like I am the best player in the age group and until somebody does something about it, I will stay right here. I like it at the top. I like to be the favorite. I will fight like crazy to stay here. November 11 Another spectacular day in the dessert and the heat is rising in the tournament. The final 16 players competing for 8 spots in the quarterfinals. I might have written earlier that this is probably the deepest tournament in the 22 years that I have been playing senior events with sixteen of the top twenty ranked players in the country in the draw. As eager as I usually am to play, I was even more pumped today for Carol arrived last night. I always feel more comfortable playing because I can feel her support throughout my matches. I must admit that my dinner last night with my opponent was on my mind when we started and I dropped the first six points of the match. That is not great for someone who considers himself a quick starter. I managed to shut the door on my appreciation for being his guest and, after dropping the first two games, I ran eleven straight and completed the match with a 6-2, 6-1 win. I was the first one into the quarters. Being finished quickly offered me the opportunity to watch my potential opponents. Whoever would win the match to play me has strong motivation to play against me. I beat both of them about 12 years ago in matches that were considered major upsets. In fact, one of the guys, when I told him after beating him that he was the best win I ever had, he told me it was the worst loss he had ever had. It turns out that he won and I will see him tomorrow at 10:30. It won’t be an issue for me. I am feeling confident in my game. I am moving well, keeping the ball deep, being patient and playing very consistently. I cannot control the outcome but I sure can control how I am playing and that is what I intend to do tomorrow. I am still into the idea of taking out somebody’s legs early in the match by moving them endlessly. Today I did a better job of ending the point when the opportunity arose. Tomorrow will be another challenge to continue to play well. One of the other players mentioned to me that I was in the midst of a serious winning streak. Frankly, I had forgotten about the streak. As far as I am concerned I simply want to continue having one match winning streaks every day. One match at a time is all that I can handle. If I think too much ahead I will lose the present and my focus will be gone. So even though it was brought to my attention I am releasing it from my thoughts in order to deal with the task at hand. Quarterfinals When I arrived, last Sunday, I did a 20 minute presentation for the members and, it turned out, quite a few of the players. My topic was “The Top 12 Strategies for Getting Focused.” Although I do talks frequently, I had never done one at a tournament where my fellow players were present. This turned out to be very helpful because the members and players who attended have had their eyes on me all week, and I knew it. The result has been that my mental management, all week, has been very good. Today, in particular, this was really important. My opponent is known for bantering in between points...I mean friendly stuff, like “hey, I bet you didn’t expect that shot!” or “too bad, you had me.” The strategies of staying on my own side of the court, act on the outside the way you want to feel on the inside, and be more disciplined in the way you think about your errors helped me win the match 6-2, 6-2. I stayed focused throughout and played every single point as if the whole match depended on that point. Playing each point, one at a time, really does make playing the game easier. It is as if the past has been incinerated and the future doesn’t yet exist. I only need to take care of what is right in front of me. Tomorrow the semifinals. I will be playing 6’7” Larry Turville, the current point leader in the race for #1 for this year. He is very tough, very steady and can cover the court with just a couple of steps. I am going to make it a long match if that is what it will take. I will use my legs to make his life difficult on the court. I will play high percentage tennis and minimize my errors. I am so into it. Point by point. I can’t wait to get out there and compete some more. Semifinals Well I asked for more competition and I got it. Four hours worth of fierce battle. I came up a little short losing 4-6, 6-1, 7-6. It couldn’t have been much closer. Each point was a war with frequent 15-20 shot rallies. Turville and I were both doing what we each do best. My backhand into his forehand and then one of us getting impatient or sensing an opening and going up the line. Really good stuff. The third set, alone, was almost two hours. I am disappointed that I didn’t win the match. I cannot deny that, even though I am working on seeing the final outcome as just that, the outcome, related to the playing experience only by what happens at the very end. I have grown very accustomed to winning over the last few months having won my last 25 matches. I have never had a streak that long and it conditioned me to believe that I will win whenever I go out there. This is the first lesson that I relearned in this match...just because you win one day, it doesn’t mean that you will win the next. My second lesson that I relearned has to do with match points saved and lost. In the third set I held four separate match points against Turville on his serve. This is my first time at losing a match after having multiple match points. I have won several matches when I have been down match points. The lesson...it goes both ways. You don’t win matches when down match point without losing some also. And another thing, just as tough as I have been in winning from behind, my opponent is fully capable of the same thing. We are all warriors on the court and Turville fought off these match points more than I gave it away. That isn’t to say that I didn’t have my chance. He was serving at 15-40, 5-6 in the third. Two match points for me. He missed a first serve and I knew he was going to serve to my forehand so I started to step around to hit a forehand return...but half way through the move I doubted it, didn’t get all the way around and his serve just jammed me. Missed return. That was all he needed. He came up with a big serve on the next point and escaped. I was pleased that I played aggressively when I was ahead in the big moments. That is not easy to do and I had to push myself to play to win. In retrospect, I guess I haven’t been in too many really big moment situations this year so I might have been a little out of practice at them. That is good and bad. Good that I have played well enough to avoid big points. Bad in that I can’t prepare for them through experience. Well, I now have gotten some experience for my next tough matches. I will be eager to see how I will fare the next time. I had an interesting experience while serving at 3-5 in the tiebreaker. I missed my first serve and, just as I was about to toss, I thought “oh, well, it was a great match.” Incredible. I had been fighting like my life depended on every point and now, when the finish line was in sight, I was about to toss it in. Fortunately, I caught the thought and the toss and stepped off the line. I regathered myself, decided where I was going to serve and managed to win the point. A thought about the players. These competitors are amongst the finest men that I know. They compete hard. They are incredibly humble. They are fair to an extreme. They are good winners. They are great losers. They are supportive. They participate in the ongoing journey of growth through competition. Being around them makes me want to be a better person. I am lucky to call them my friends. Life is good when I get to experience myself in difficult situations. I am happy that I started journaling four years ago and have continued to do it. I forces me to see who I am as I continue down paths that I am traveling, often for the first time. I appreciate all of you who read these entries. Knowing that you are out there helps me stay committed to writing each day. I feel obligated and that puts my often tired butt in the chair in front of this computer. One final word...I just got a call from my opponent for third place. We are supposed to play tomorrow. He is bailing out. It saves me tonight’s work of getting up for an important match right after a tough loss. Tonight I can have a beer. Two Days After the Tournament I watched the finals between Turville, who had beaten me in the semis, and Brian Cheney, who has been at the top of the age group for years. Cheney was the #1 seed and a player who certainly knows how to win. Turville was exhausted from our